Aggressive Much? A GenX Guide to Textual Offense
Because Saying “No” with a Period Is Now Considered Abuse
I texted my daughter: “No, it’s not.”
Three words.
Two pieces of punctuation, and one capital.
Sue me, I’m GenX. We still do antiquated things like punctuation and capitalization.
[And we’re trying really freaking hard to stop putting two spaces after a period. We learned on typewriters. It’s not our fault.]
Her response: “aggressive much”
No caps. No punctuation.
Well, much like telling an angry woman to calm down, this lit me up even more.
Why? I don’t exactly know.
Chalk it up to menopausal rage, maternal exasperation, or just a general crankiness because I pulled a neck muscle while I slept because this is what I now do at age 51.
Whatever my baggage bomb, her two words lit the fuse.
aggressive much
Is it me, or does every GenXer have a rank-out-retort setting that can’t be stopped? Is it my inner New Yorker? Is it from growing up with a brother who was relentless in his barrage of insults?
I saw her words and my mental monologue said, “‘aggressive much’? I’ll show you aggressive much!’” If I had a package, I would’ve grabbed it.
I know, it makes no sense. It’s silly, meaningless, and contradictory to my whole point: that these GenZ/Millennials are hacking away at language with a machete of feelings and overanalysis.
These little shits think they can eliminate word parts and punctuation at will, and the rest of us will conform to the rules of their game. It’s the most self-indulgent part of their youthful hubris.
No, sweet GenZedder, I had no idea that if I typed “ok” it was lame, “k” was flippant, but “kk” is the only acceptable way to say “okay” via text.
And, if we dare write ‘OK.’, (with caps AND a period…), look out! We’re basically saying, The gloves are off, let’s rumble. Who made up this asinine dance where the steps keep changing? What even is kk? Why the double k, but not an o?
Now, I write out ‘okayyyy’. Because I’m GenX, that’s why. We don’t like authority. Especially not when it’s coming from humans we grew in our bodies—or worse, their friends.
An acquaintance on Substack suggested I end every line like a telegram with a ‘STOP’ at the end. I actually may adopt that practice. If they think I’m ancient, I’ll show them ancient.
We did this to them
I know why kids are like this.
Ok(ayyyy), I don’t know, but I suspect. It’s because the tech we’ve invented has built them to be socially inept. That was harsh: Let me reframe. Kids today (and by kids, I’m talking sub-27, and yes, this is an old lady being somewhat condescending by calling some adults kids; add it to my transgressions), are digital natives. As such, they live in a digital world where the very act of using a phone as…a PHONE…is considered rude.
No, I’m not kidding.
A few summers back, my daughter met some new friends. They invited her to a beach bonfire. She was waiting to be picked up but they were late. My husband foolishly asked, “Why don’t you call them and see where they are?”
“Call them?” she said as if he suggested she amputate someone’s ear.
“Yes,” he said. “Call them…on that thing in your hand.”
“I don’t have their numbers!”
“Why not?” he asked.
“Because that’s too…personal.”
“You’re going out with these people, but you don’t have their number?”
“Yes.”
“How do you communicate?”
“Snapchat.”
“What if we need to reach you and your phone is dead? How would we call them?”
“You wouldn’t.”
I could see the news reports: Teen girl goes missing. Parents know neither the names nor the phone numbers of the people she was last seen with.
To her, it was perfectly reasonable to get in a car with a bunch of people with whom she wasn’t friendly enough to even have their phone numbers. (Side note: she stayed home…and hated us for it.)
But it’s worse than that.
In their quest for expedience with texting, these thumb drummers abbreviate the language to such a point that it rewires their brains. I’ve heard my children speaking in person with their friends where they say text abbreviations out loud. “I’d love to meet him eye-arrr-elle.” (IRL = In real life). Why!? The syllabic expenditure is the same! Just say “in real life”! Their little brains are being rewired into text-speak like it’s a new iteration of English.
The rest of the world is bi- or tri-lingual, and American kids speak English and Text-English. It’s so embarrassing.
Firing squad or pizza order?
Phone calls trigger real-time talking phobia. (I feel compelled to once again remind you that I’m dead serious.) I recall asking my daughter to call and order a pizza a few years ago. She was a young teen, not a little child. This shouldn’t have been a big deal. She stared at me, struck silent. “Call? Like, dial them?”
“Yes. Is there another way?”
“Can’t we just order it online?”
“No. Just call. A plain pizza.”
“I can’t…CALL!”
“Why not?”
“What if they ask me a question?”
“Then answer it.”
“What if I don’t know the answer?”
“Ask them to hold on a sec and ask me.”
“Why can’t you just call?”
“Because now that I know you’re terrified to order a pizza, I have to make you.”
“Why are you so mean!?”
“It’s my job.”
If your kid is sweating over calling another human being (likely another teen!) on the phone to say, “Can I order a large plain pie for pickup?”, please make them. They need this life skill.
I’m worried about their avoidance of interpersonal communication. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to reinforce eye contact or we’ve rehearsed chit-chat in case someone’s parents ask them how they’re doing. I wish I was making this up. These kids are scared to talk to adults. They’re unpracticed.
It’s the phones.
And the computers.
They don’t like talking on the phone without video.
It’s as if all their senses need engagement at the same time.
I can’t remember the last time I saw one of my kids watch a movie without a phone in their hand, too. If they don’t have actual ADHD, they’re trying really hard act like they do.
Snapstreaks
I’m a Snapchat hater. If you’re unfamiliar, it’s a communications app the kids use to write quick notes back and forth to each other which are overlaid onto pictures. Mind you, the pictures (“snaps”) aren’t usually worth a damn. My kids often take photos of their eyebrows just to have something to “snap” so they can write a short text.
I know, I KNOW. Don’t even bother asking why they don’t just use iMessage texts like the rest of us. They don’t.
And, to Snapchat’s marketing credit, they created something called “streaks”, which is a brilliant, subtle gamification of their platform. Essentially, as you snap the same person day after day, a tally is created. To keep the “streak”, you must continue to addictively snap every day. My younger daughter has a streak of over 400 days with a friend. That means they EACH have touched that app and been subjected to whatever advertising or other content the app pushes to them daily, for over a year. Marketing genius.
I guarantee they’re not punctuating any snaps.
Turning it back on
The wild part is that teens know when to turn on and turn off the punctuation skills. Well, some of them do. Some kids remain a hot mess in middle school English class. They don’t know a comma from a hole in the ground and capitalizing proper nouns is completely lost on them. But, for many kids, they can turn punctuation back on in formal writing. They just don’t do it with their peers in texts. Or, apparently, with their parents. It’s as if texting is truly its own English dialect and the kids are fluent.
When my simple, “No, it’s not.” is interpreted by her as a declaration of war, my child needs to chill, back up the bus, consider the source, and give me some grace. The ways of Strunk & White are too ingrained to turn back now.
When she says, Bruh; I say, Mom
When she says, dot-dot-dot; I say, Ellipses
When she says, ikr; I say, Is that a typo?
So, she’ll <sigh> spell it all out with an eye roll: I know, right?
Want to really send them into a tailspin? Drop a thumbs-up emoji. Yes, that’s a huge trigger and it tells them you’re a sarcastic asshole. Who knew? Now, I use it daily. Because I’m GenX, that’s why.
Let me save you from yourself with these GenZ translations of things we find completely natural and neutral:
Periods at the end of texts – Seen as formal or angry
Ellipses (…) – Passive-aggressive or ominous
Thumbs-up emoji (👍)– sarcastic or dismissive
“K” or “OK.” instead of “kk” – Often read as curt or annoyed
Emojis – They prefer subtle or ironic emoji; not literal
Voice memos vs. phone calls – voice memos rule since they put no demands on anyone’s time or immediate response. What’s a voice memo you ask? It’s like an answering machine message without having to listen to the greeting or wait for the beep. Ask your kids to show you how.
So to all the GenZeds and Millennials, you know I love you, but…
English has rules for a reason STOP
Those of us older than Google know the rules STOP
We will continue to use them STOP
Like it or not STOP
If you don’t accept the way we text STOP
Come talk to us IRL STOP
KK? 💜😛🤪✅
xoxo
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I’m not a boat guy but if I ever got my own boat I’d name it You’re So Mean.
With the period.
I told my friends if they ever get a text from me that has “u” or “ur” then I’m being held hostage and they should call the police 😂 As a Gen Xer, what I don’t get is why it takes them so long to answer a question sent in a text when I know they have the phone in their hand all the time!