Buying Teen Clothes at the Hooker Store

No, really, do our daughters have to dress like they make a living in the back seats of cars?

I just drove my 14-year-old and four friends to a party in a $5 million mansion the next town over. They had a bouncer at the door. No, for real: he had a list. Apparently, someone had snuck in using my kid’s identity, too, and she had to show him her Instagram profile to prove who she was. I cannot believe my daughter has friends whose parents’ property tax bill is approximately equivalent to my annual salary before taxes. (I wonder if they need a writer…)

My kid and her hometown friends don’t typically play in that sandbox, but somehow they know kids who do, yet it doesn’t seem to make them feel self-conscious or “less than”. I love this about them. They just take it in stride. “We had a sleepover in their home theater,” she’ll say. “It was sooo dark. What’s for lunch?”

I mash together the egg salad with a smirk and a home theater…must be nice… under my breath.

Animal Kingdom

She and her friends seem unencumbered by those types of comparisons, and to their credit, the kids who live in the homes with basement basketball courts and hockey rinks (I’m not lying, I swear) seem perfectly fine with me pulling out the air mattress for them. Their parents may have lots of zeroes at the ends of their bank balances, but otherwise they seem like ordinary teenagers. They just actually vacation in Africa instead of Disney’s Animal Kingdom.

Simply Irresistible

What does drive me nuts is that all five of the girls in my car, screaming Ke$ha lyrics on the way to the party, were all dressed identically. I’m talking clones. As if it was a uniform. All in black, strappy tops, black mini skirts, black knee-high boots. When they got out to walk up the driveway,